I Didn’t Sleep a Wink Last night

Sometimes I say things (or blog them) before I think. As a point of pure fact, this happens more often than not. This leads to the occasional regret. Like last night. I tossed and turned, worrying myself into a frenzy thinking I might have hurt some poor woman’s feelings with my use of the insensitive adjective “flat-chested.” I would like to take this opportunity to offer my heartfelt apologies to all grown women everywhere who still wear training bras. I promise from now on to use the more sensitive term: mammary challenged. All y’all beautiful, healthy, skinny, alien women please forgive me and remember that at the root of my teasing is rabid envy.

On to more interesting things. This morning in Wendy’s (who is apparently not an alien because I’d guess her to be a C-cup) class, someone on the front row–it might have been me, I can’t remember–suggested to Wendy that Shona should come up on stage with her for the funky song. Wendy, who of course had the microphone, thought that was a great idea. Shona was not so enthusiastic, but once we all started chanting “Sho-Na! Sho-Na! Sho-Na!, ” and clapping and whooping like a pack of wild hyenas, she indulged us. She has such a stage presence, our Shona. She showed us the bootylicious, low-impact version.

I forgot to tell y’all yesterday my good friend and neighbor of many years, Deanna, got her 100 club T-shirt. For the uninitiated, this is the shirt you earn by going to 100 Jazzercise classes within a year. Yeah Deanna!! But she shamed me. I have been after that girl for years to join Jazzercise, and she finally did six or eight months ago. Now, on June 7th, she is getting her T-shirt, and I haven’t even hit 50. (Yes, sarcastic little alien voice in my head, I know I should listen to you and behave better.) I’m trying! Actually, this week I have been to 5 classes, and it’s only Thursday afternoon. Myra (the nurturing alien) was just patting me on the back this morning.
If only we weren’t leaving town in the morning…y’all pray for me that I’ll have the strength to control myself and not eat so badly that I pile every calorie I burned this week back on with a whole passel of their friends…
Peace, out…