Susan M. Boyer

USA TODAY Bestselling Author
Agatha Award Winner

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Susan M. Boyer

USA TODAY Bestselling Author
Agatha Award Winner

  • Home
  • About
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    • Privacy Policy
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I Feel Skinny Already

May 2, 2006 in Uncategorized

Thanks to Casey’s little green book–in which every morsel that passed my lips in the last week has been recorded–and, of course her Personal Touch torture sessions which should seriously be considered for interrogating terrorists, I have lost 1.8 pounds in one week. Yippee!!
This in spite of the fact that I ate like a pig at the trough at a dinner party Saturday night. The day I turn down homemade cheesecake and strawberries dipped in chocolate is the day you will know I have been kidnapped and replaced by a clone. It just isn’t going to happen. But apparently, I was careful enough the rest of the week that I still lost a little, even if I didn’t reach my goal of losing ten pounds the first week.
The last week hasn’t been a good one for writing. Too much static in my life. Also, I am trying–with limited success–to get my body to accept 5:45 Jazzercise. This means getting up at 5am, which would be okay if I could get to sleep by 9pm, but that’s not likely. So, I’ve been operating on 5 – 6 hours of sleep which makes me fuzzy headed and not very creative. If my brain function doesn’t stabilize this week, I’m going back to 9:20 classes.
Someone suggested that I should take one of Julie’s classes, so I could blog her. Let me tell you, back in the days when I first started going to Jazzercise–over at the Faux Greer center–I took hundreds of Julie’s classes. And actually, I have taken a few more recently in Taylors. Julie is a breed apart. Julie is hazardously perky. If the energy behind her Jazzercise routines could be harnessed and used to power cars, we would be forever free from middle eastern oil.
The danger, to the average Jazzercizer, is that that perkiness is infectious. It causes one to exert more energy than one actually has in the tank, which can lead to passing out. This has only happened to me personally twice. Just kidding. But all that effervescence does induce me to over-exert myself. I’m better off with the mean instructors.
Having given you the scoop on Julie, that only leaves me with two un-blogged instructors at the Taylors Jazzercise Center: Donna and Jenny.
Donna is Wendy’s sister, and I’ve only taken a couple of her classes. She usually teaches at 4:30. She gets teachers after school’s out. Most of these ladies, as you might imagine, have frustrations to work off. But Donna is the most serene of all the instructors. This defies logic since she is a school teacher herself.
Jenny is the newest of the instructors. She is one of those young women about whom people say things like, “She’s just so sweet,” and “Isn’t she just the cutest thing!” Both of these things are true, but more relevant is this: she’s Casey’s sister-in-law, and is being trained by the Queen of Pain herself. Just wait. Remember what happened to sweet little Michelle when they gave her a microphone. It’s only a matter of time before Jenny-the-cutest-little-thing morphs into Jenny-the-Jazzer-Nazi.
On a more sober note, it’s been 27 days since my last Mega Moo Mocha Moolatte. Having discovered that there are 884 calories in one of these divine dairy and caffeine concoctions I have sworn them off. I resigned myself to ordering Starbucks venti non-fat mochas instead. Then I found out there are 375 calories in one of those. How do they do that? How can coffee and non-fat milk have 375 calories? I think there is a conspiracy afoot to make Americans fat. Extra calories (probably in the form of lard) are being stirred into everything we eat. It’s the only explanation that makes sense.

Talk to y’all tomorrow. Meanwhile, beware the lard conspiracy. You never know when your physique is under attack.

Peace, out…

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Diets and Other Torture, Jazzercise, Precariously Perky Julie, Sweet Jenny the Alien, The Queen of Pain, The Singing Alien

One Step Up and Two Steps Back

March 21, 2006 in Uncategorized

I’m off to a good start–it’s Monday, and I made it to 8:15 Jazzercise!! Whoo-Hoo!! Of course, Demon Diane had the microphone this morning, and inflicted great pain and suffering on us all. I swear, she enjoys hearing us whine! I’m not joking. At one point, she even said we had to keep doing this Chinese torture move until we all whined!! The girl is sadistic. Then, while the music was changing, she says, “Okay, let’s get that next hurting song on.”
I’m just wondering if maybe the woman that gets up on stage is her alternate personality–you know, like Sybil. Cause before she gets that microphone, she’s all,”How y’all doing, how was vacation,” and all that. But put her on the stage and give her a microphone and let the agony begin.
But, as Myra would say, I’m sure it’s good for me…
Eating was a mixed bag today. I started off all right, with a low-fat blueberry muffin and a Starbucks non-fat mocha (no Mega Moo Mocha Moo Latte–sob!). But the for lunch I had leftovers–it’s sinful to waste food. Sweet Onion Risotto with Chicken Cacciatore. Yum. I love Risotto. It’s the ultimate starch. So creamy and rich…I ate it for dinner, too. And then I had a cupcake. It was here, okay? As I have often maintained, I have a complete lack of self-discipline.
Writing went well today. I got a lot of polishing done on the first three chapters of LCB, and worked on chapter four. It’s coming. I feel good about it…or is that the sugar high?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Demon Diane, Diets and Other Torture, Jazzercise

In The Beginning

February 23, 2006 in Uncategorized

So, last night halfway through Jazzercise, when Casey was holding forth about accountability and trying to sign us all up for ‘Personal Touch’ (which I absolutely cannot afford at my current rate of pay as an unpublished writer), I decided to create a blog. I figure, I can be accountable to my blog for free. And there are so many things I need to be held accountable for, not just exercise, although that is a biggie. When I started pondering the list of things I felt like I should do (and be held accountable for), I had a panic attack, so decided to pick the three biggies: making church on a regular basis, getting my oversized derriere to Jazzercise and writing every day.
I’m not an experienced blogger. I’ve read through one or two, but this is new to me and I’m learning as I go. If anyone actually reads this stuff, please be patient with me (and help hold me accountable). For the record, my name is Susan Boyer. I am of legal age, and that’s all I care to say about that. In the interest of fairness, I have to tell you that I have a long way to go to become a skinny anything. I am 5′ 7″ inches tall and weigh…wait a minute…I’ll go get on the scale right now…NOT. I am overweight, okay, let’s just leave it at that until we get to know each other better. Two years ago, the company I worked for for eleven years went belly-up, and I decided that if I was ever going to be a writer, it was now…then…whatever, I’m still working on it. I write most days, but some days I get distracted, going off on tangents researching this or that literary agent, conference or contest. Those are important things if one ever wants to get published, but some days I spend too much time surfing the internet and not enough writing.
Today is Thursday, and I will write for at least four hours, go to Jazzercise, eat healthy and plan what I’m going to wear to church on Sunday so as to have one less excuse. Peace, out…

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Diets and Other Torture, I Am Therefore I Write, Jazzercise, The Queen of Pain

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