Wendy the Alien Who Might Kill Me Archives

Sometimes I say things (or blog them) before I think. As a point of pure fact, this happens more often than not. This leads to the occasional regret. Like last night. I tossed and turned, worrying myself into a frenzy thinking I might have hurt some poor woman’s feelings with my use of the insensitive adjective “flat-chested.” I would like to take this opportunity to offer my heartfelt apologies to all grown women everywhere who still wear training bras. I promise from now on to use the more sensitive term: mammary challenged. All y’all beautiful, healthy, skinny, alien women please forgive me and remember that at the root of my teasing is rabid envy.

On to more interesting things. This morning in Wendy’s (who is apparently not an alien because I’d guess her to be a C-cup) class, someone on the front row–it might have been me, I can’t remember–suggested to Wendy that Shona should come up on stage with her for the funky song. Wendy, who of course had the microphone, thought that was a great idea. Shona was not so enthusiastic, but once we all started chanting “Sho-Na! Sho-Na! Sho-Na!, ” and clapping and whooping like a pack of wild hyenas, she indulged us. She has such a stage presence, our Shona. She showed us the bootylicious, low-impact version.

I forgot to tell y’all yesterday my good friend and neighbor of many years, Deanna, got her 100 club T-shirt. For the uninitiated, this is the shirt you earn by going to 100 Jazzercise classes within a year. Yeah Deanna!! But she shamed me. I have been after that girl for years to join Jazzercise, and she finally did six or eight months ago. Now, on June 7th, she is getting her T-shirt, and I haven’t even hit 50. (Yes, sarcastic little alien voice in my head, I know I should listen to you and behave better.) I’m trying! Actually, this week I have been to 5 classes, and it’s only Thursday afternoon. Myra (the nurturing alien) was just patting me on the back this morning.
If only we weren’t leaving town in the morning…y’all pray for me that I’ll have the strength to control myself and not eat so badly that I pile every calorie I burned this week back on with a whole passel of their friends…
Peace, out…

It’s Friday already again. I feel like somebody stole a week from me. I didn’t get everything done that I needed to…I want an extension!! I made it to Jazzercise three times this week and did not pass out a single time, although I thought I had for a minute in Wendy’s class yesterday. Why is it that when an instructor is trying to loose weight, (Wendy had a baby a while back) we all suffer for it? That girl was in turbo drive. She worked us like marine recruits. She sure looks good, though. I asked her what she’s been doing, and she told me the name of some program she’s doing that’s like Weight Watchers, but with a Bible study. Now, I don’t know about y’all, but I think there’s something basically wrong about getting weighed at church. I’m already confessing my sins, putting me up on the scales to document them is just going to send me into some sort of traumatic episode that will no doubt lead to stress eating. I think I’m just going to pray before I get on the scales at home, and hope for the best.
I had two writer’s group meeting this week. Monday night was the Christian Writer’s Group. We had a small group, but a lot of good discussion. I took the second scene in the new novel I’m working on. I can’t talk about that one yet. Something in my circuitry gets fouled up when I talk about something before I write it. It’s like all the life goes out of it. Last night was our first Thursday meeting of the SCWW (South Carolina Writers Workshop) Greenville chapter. There were sixteen people there, and ten readers, which is a lot. I read the latest version of the first chapter of my novel, Lowcountry Boil. It went pretty well, I think. I don’t know what I’d do without all those extra sets of eyes. It’s amazing to me how many times I can read the same sentence and not realize I’ve left out a word. Overall, it was a good week for writing. There were a couple of days I didn’t get my four hours in, but there were also a couple that I wrote for seven or eight. The blogging thing is off to a slower start than I’d hoped. I think for the accountability thing to work, I’ve got to do it more than once a week!! In the immortal words of Scarlett, tomorrow is another day!!

I Didn’t Sleep a Wink Last night

Wow, Where Did That Week Go?

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