Y’all may have noticed that I haven’t mentioned Jazzercise in a while. That’s because I haven’t been in a while. This was brought to my attention this morning. Now, I did drag my VOLUPTUOUS self (I only gained 4 pounds on vacation) out of the bed this morning and haul it in to Body Sculpt (with Myra, The Caring and Nurturing Alien) followed by a Jazzercise class with Wendy(who is fast morphing into an alien–that girl is getting so skinny even her chest is flattening out). I thought I had gotten away clean–having been AWOL for 4 weeks, I was not eager to encounter Casey, The Queen of Pain.
But, as I was leaving the building, sweating…I mean glistening brightly in the sunlight, here she came across the parking lot like Clint Eastwood in Unforgiven. The look on her face would have stopped a lava flow. It was cold…cold. We’re talking cold as the strawberries in the very bottom of your grandmamma’s deep freeze since three summers ago. And Casey is much more intimidating in street clothes and makeup than she is than in workout clothes, bare-faced, with her hair uncombed (which is saying a lot).
Fortunately, Carol and Alyce were standing there with me, so I was not dismembered and buried behind the building. Also, I had really, really good REASONS. (Family member undergoing surgery, vacation, vacation and…umm…brief vacation recovery followed by more vacation–Labor Day weekend is always family weekend in a mountain cabin.)
The Queen of Pain was not particularly impressed with any of the exercising I did while on vacation–snorkeling, hiking, and beach lolling. And I even told her how I used my Jazzercise technique of singing to get air in my lungs as I hiked up from Salt Pond Bay where we’d been snorkeling. (I sang Bye, Bye Miss American Pie all the way up that hill, and Jim still let me in the Jeep and gave me a ride back to town.) My sister informs me that, at the gates of Heaven, two people will get to go to the front of the line and go straight in: my Aunt Ruth’s maid, Francina–this is a whole nuther story–and Jim. I’m not sure what to make of that considering Francina’s quality of life.
Anyway, Casey and I have reached an agreement: She will let me live, and I will not be missing any more classes between now and Christmas.
Y’all hold me to that…