So, I drug myself into Jazzercise today. This was a challenge, as by nature I am a lethargic sort. I like to dance (once I’m there). But I was home. I had books, food, wine–no pulsating need to go out. Not to mention I had work to do. My main character woke me up at 3 a.m. pitching a huge fit about wanting to ride a jet ski. I digress.
Precariously Perky Julie was onstage. The workout came complete with lots of Russian ballet moves–or possibly curse words–and her favorite, dramatic final poses. Maybe it was my imagination, but PPJ seemed a bit tense. Her words of wisdom and inspiration from the stage were very nearly worthy of The Queen of Pain. Here’s what PPJ had to allow (minus the stuff in Russian):
10. You haven’t heard this song? You’re not hip, (This from the girl who included King of the Road in her set. Not that I have anything against Roger Miller, or songs written in 1965. I’m just saying.)
9. And here we’ll just let our abs hang out. Not! Suck those in.
8. I’ve got my eye on you.
7. I hate to burst your ball-bubble, but we’re not sitting on those balls.
6. No extraneous shaking. (Seriously, if we could pull that off would we need her?)
5. The shirts for the Christmas parade come in a generous fit. (I’m buying a shirt, but I marched in my last parade in high school.)
4. They hang long.
3. Do not snarl at me during this song. I like it. (It was my trying-not-to-fall-out look. I promise.)
2. Try not to let your legs just come careening down.
1. Engage the muscle–don’t let it flap all over the place. (See #6)
Like a pro, PPJ maintained her perkiness all during class. But I think her sunny disposition may be waning. This, I fear, is my fault. I am a challenge to PPJ. She likes people to smile while they sweat. That is SO not in my nature. I stand right in front of her.
One of those reality shows with dancing comes on tonight. That’ll cheer her up.
I seriously doubt PPJ hates you… unless, perhaps, she’s read your blog and in that case she’s intentionally torturing you. You crack me up!
This seriously cracked me up.
*No extraneous shaking*
I wouldn’t be allowed in that room. Just saying.
Susan M. Boyer says
Yeah, most days they don’t want to let me in either. I’m messing with their stats. Somehow, I’m not getting svelte in there. 🙂 Likely my complete lack of consistency and self-discipline. 🙂
Let me get this straight…you actually PAY this Russian to subject you to such abuse? Haha I say the books, wine, and food sound like a better option. Hilarious!
Susan M. Boyer says
NT, It sounds a little nutty when you put it like that, doesn’t it? 🙂
Teresa Mejia says
This made me happy – because I’m a Jazzercise instructor! I secretly hope my students talk about me this way! Love it!